April 15

Five Signs that spring has arrived in Boston.
1. No more wool socks under the “Air Jesus” sandals for those cool BU students.
2. The Red Sox have begun blowing games in the ninth inning.
3. Girls in the Alley are switching to their pastel thongs and hiking up the minis.
4. Sale on Coolattas!
5. Five more inches of Snow, and wicked overtime for the Plow Drivaaahss.

It’s great to be back my fellow Wizzers. So this week’s DVD review is My Big Fat Greek Wedding. That’s right after its one year stint at the big screen, it has finally made its way to your DVD player. My Big Fat Greek Wedding is big phat fun. This movie will make you laugh and make your eyes water from laughing some more.
My Big Fat Greek Wedding has a large cast of newcomers with one or two familiar faces. The cast is great and the movie adds a fun two hours to your life. Too often we leave movies sad, distraught, or provoked with deep thoughts. I prefer a movie to give an escape from the grind and to make you laugh and smile for a little while. Greek Wedding succeeds in the latter.
The star of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Nia Vardalos is very likable and equally funny. Her character, Toula is a young Greek woman who falls in love with a non-Greek college professor named Ian, played by Jon Corbett. You should remember Corbett from Sex and the City. Corbett is pretty much the only actor in this movie who I recognized. Although I did sadly recognize the big-screen debut of In Sync’s own Joey Fatone. He does just fine and is no where near as annoying as Lance Bass was in On the Line.
It was great to see Jon Corbett on the big screen. Although I do find it peculiar that he was cast with Nia Vardalos, who like Sara Jessica Parker is indeed a ‘Butterface’. However whatever Vardalos lacks in the looks department, she certainly makes up in the charm department. She steals the screen in My Big Fat Greek Wedding and she is truly lovable to the viewer. In fact I have even started watching My Big Fat Greek Life on CBS because it’s virtually the same cast as the movie less Corbett and Fatone.
Michael Constatine who plays Gus Portokalos is another gem in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. He provides laughs in virtually every scene he appears in. This man is 76 years old, but his acting is timeless. Constantine is also on the new sitcom. Respect Constantine and go out and rent this DVD for the sole reason that this guy has earned his way to the big screen. This man had been in over fifty movies and I think I have heard of maybe two.
My Big Fat Greek wedding is loads of fun and worth all the money it made. In my opinion it’s the best product the Greek community has introduced since the Arcimedes screw. My big Fat Greek Wedding receives three steaming Feta Cheese Sticks from the Wizard of DVDs.
All right all right, so much has happened in the reality world since I last graced my presence to the fellow Spero.commers. Let’s get to American Idol.
American Idol has jumped the shark. It gets worse and worse every week. The judges are constantly talking over one another and Randy Jackson’s vocabulary consists of three words, ‘dude, man and dog’. Seriously dog girls aren’t dudes and I’m not feeling you man.
Ruben is the only one that is worth feeling. My early prediction of Kimberly Caldwell is still alive in the competition, but the Ruuuuuben train will smash her soon enough. The only thing that could prevent Ruben from victory is a clogged artery.
If you guys have no lives like myself then check out Nashville Star on USA at 10 p.m. every Saturday. It’s the country version of American Idol and it has everything that American Idol does not. This includes talented contestants, instruments, and judges who can swear. Another great thing about the judges on Nashville Star is they actually have more in depth criticisms than, ‘you picked the wrong song.’ The contestants play their own instruments and write their own songs and the competition is very stiff because this show is packed with talent. If you enjoy country music, buy the new CD from the show Nashville Star, The Finalists and find out for yourself.
Now for a quick blurp on Survivor, lets hike into the Amazon. Survivor remains the best reality show on television. Its intriguing and the elements are always evolving. In the most recent episode Deena got cocky and paid the price. She over thought her strategy and that is a huge mistake for a Survivor contestant to make. When things are going well for you, don’t make enemies that you don’t have to and never order someone around because you will not win. I predict that hornball Rob will be the next to get overconfident and end up on the short end of the Survivor stick.
Finally, Survivor is also the best comedy on television because of a certain contestant named Matt. This guy is not just a moron; he is a weird one. He really feels like he is in the driver’s seat to the finals because he believes every lie that Rob tells him. The new leader of Jacare will be Jenna for a few reasons. She is hot and has Rob and Alex around her finger, which means that she also has Matt and Butch. Then she also has Heidi kissing her arse, which basically means that she has no reason to fear elimination if she can just sit back and refrain from any strong opinions. This week’s episode will include letters from home and the tradition of bidding on food items.
Lets review, American Idol- Ruben will win and this is the last year I watch this horrible show.

Nashville Star- Saturdays at ten on USA. Watch it and love it.

Survivor Amazon- Jenna is the new leader of Jacare and Heidi is fading away into skeleton dust.

Have a wonderful week and remember Trustifarians that if you pay taxes then you support the war so quit using freedom of speech to prove that you’re a$# holes. Cheese Bless the World and Cheese Bless you.

March 24

Times are Scary. War on CNN. Now that’s what I call reality television. Over the next few weeks Reality television will be pushed to its limits. This will be an “all too real” Survivor marathon. My only beef with it is that Bush waits two months and then decides to launch the same week that the NCAA tournament starts. March Madness will bring on a whole new meaning this year. Let’s hope that Saddam Hussein and his sons are the only devils to be eliminated this March. Go Duke.

In case you are not freaked out enough by the threat of terrorism and the earth’s destruction get you some nice horror movies. For the first time I am presenting a double feature. Two scary flicks for the price of one, The Ring and One Hour Photo. Both of these movies will have you thinking twice about your actions after the DVD is over. I recommend renting the ring on video to add to its story line.

Light a couple of candles and wait for the sun to fall. Then lock your doors and put some pampers on, because this week’s DVD will haunt you for days to come. One Hour Photo will creep you out because it is so true to real life. The Ring will creep you out because its just plain freaky. So put on some old underwear that you don’t care about staining and lets review.

The Ring has become an instant cult classic. It is based off of a Japanese film entitled Ringu, directed by Hideo Nakata. This plot has just enough twists to keep it above water. You may become freaked out at times by its weirdness, but the story line does progress enough to keep you interested. The premise of the Ring is pretty basic. The main character Naomi Watts investigates a mysterious video tape that if you watch you will die seven days later. Right after viewing the tape you also receive a phone call to let you know you have seven days left on earth. This premise of the Ring makes for some great pranks when watching it with your date. I suggest calling your buddy earlier in the day and timing the call to arrive right after the movie ends. “Seven Days!” Ahhhhhhhh!!!!

The acting and the characters in The Ring are not Oscar worthy, but the lead actress is great. Naomi Watts plays the journalist who is leading the investigation of what the tape is all about while struggling to save her self after watching the flick. This girl is a hottie. She was born in England and I hope we will be seeing more of this beautiful Brit in the times to come. The Ring receives three cheese sticks out of a possible four.

Our second scary flick is One Hour Photo, starring Robin Williams. I have a love-hate relationship with Robin Williams. After seeing Death to Smoochy, I figured that no one would ever put him on the big screen again. However, Robin certainly redeemed himself with his performance in One Hour Photo. He plays the very creepy “photo guy,” Seymour Parish
His character is so uncomfortable to watch, sorta like having to pee beside your boss. At some points in the film I became sympathetic with William’s character which added to the complexity of this film.

One Hour Photo is directed by Mark Romanek. Romanek does a brilliant job shooting this film and his use of color is remarkable. The subtle camera shots throughout this movie are amazing. Romanek really appreciates the mechanics of shooting a film. This movie is very artistic. The plot is basic, but it works. Most of Romanek’s previous work is with music videos. He shot Trent Reznor’s cover of Johnny Cash’s Hurt for free because the song affected him personally. In my opinion he should have been nominated for his work on One Hour Photo. The cinematography in this movie is fantastic. I give One Hour Photo 3 cheese sticks out of a possible four with a side of spicy marinara dipping sauce for Romanek’s outstanding directorial debut.

So you have two creepy flicks to choose from this week. Both will satisfy your fear buds. Lets move onto the reality round up.

American Idol is heating up. This show is so cheesy that I hate myself for even watching it. It’s like a bad car accident. It’s horrific, but you can’t look away. Most of the performances resemble the waning hours of a PBS telethon. I picked Kimberly Caldwell to win after the first airing of American Idol and she is still in the running. I will stick by my guns, but this chick is so annoying. Caldwell is everyone’s best friend on the show and her constant happy go lucky attitude is driving me crazy. My personal favorite at this point in the competition is Big Ruben Carter from 405 Alabama. Its like Biggie Smalls singing love tunes.

Now lets step into the jungle for the Survivor portion of the round up. I was saddened to see the gender battle end, but it was needed. The latest castaway was 23 year old Shawna Mitchell who was suddenly revived when encountered by jungle penis. She seemed like a really cool chick and she almost took her shirt off for three grand on the Howard Stern show this past week. She found a quick romance with the 32 year old Alex Bell who remains a member of the newly formed Jabaru tribe. Alex wrote his ticket outta the jungle by forming this relationship with Shawna. Next time Jabaru loses, he will be gone. Mark my words. On the other side of the jungle is the Tambaqui tribe. This is the most random tribe. There are the two older men, the rocket scientist, the deaf girl with hairy armpits, and the skinny hot girl gone monster with the horrible fake boobs. Silicone Heidi is dwindling down to a bag of bones. This girl is so skinny I could pick a lock with her left leg. Tambaqui is playing as a team however and the alliance between the men and Heidi is strong. Only time will tell the fate of Tambaqui.

So host Jeff Probst promised a huge surprise for this Wednesday’s show. Since Joe Millionaire dropped the million-dollar check everyone has to have a big twist from week to week. Like every other time on television, a great idea is being recycled over and over again and again.

Thank you fellow wizzers for tuning into the latest article. During these tough times keep your arms open to all people and appreciate the soldiers who are following their orders to defend your freedom. Whether or not you agree or disagree about what is going on overseas, just remember that actors are not politicians and they should stick to the scripts. Martin Sheen is not our President.

Congratulations to my good friend and brother Matt Dubs on the announcement of his wife’s pregnancy. May the baby look just like her. GO DUKE!

March 4

If you could press pause on the remote control of life what would you change in the five minutes before it starts up again? Picture it. The button is hit and everything just stopped. You just froze the hustle and bustle of life as we know it. The commotion of motion frozen. Like some matrix shit. Now, the world is your oyster for five minutes. So whatcha going to do? Maybe you will take the greedy route and try to pull off a quick stealth robbery. Hurry up and get that Hope Diamond. Perhaps, the perverted route and look up a skirt or two or three. Others may take the addictive route and get to the local pharmacy or tobacco shop. Personally, I would pull some quick Robin hood like pranks, like switch a homeless man's two- dollar gin with a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label. Many may think that this five- minute pause of life doesn't seem like enough time. What is five minutes? Think about those who sit besides the hospital beds praying night after night, or the mothers who kneel with their children and pray for Daddy to come home. If they could have five more minutes to share each other's love, life would be grand for that pause in time. Well, as far as I know no one has this remote, but if someone did we would not know. Maybe we are being paused from time to time. In fact that is part of the reason my column has been missing for a couple of weeks. I lost a great companion and my life as I knew it paused for awhile. Now I can only regret the five minutes missed over time and cherish the five minutes spent over time. Make the most of those five minutes.

Now fellow Wizzers, let get back to big screen for the main event. These past two weeks boxing has involved itself for most of my social life. First, I ordered Showtime to see the tattooed psycho Michael Tyson beat the bag outta of some no named ex-con. (OK, no lie right now but some one-foot Puerto Rican baby boy just entered my apartment without my knowledge and tapped my back scaring the pee pouch outta me. Holy Crap he is laughing at me! I picked him up and carried around the building until I found his caretaker. That was weird. Anyway back to the story.) So lets step back into the ring for this week's DVD. Undisputed, starring Wesley Snipes and Ving Rhames is this week's feature flick. This movie is more painful then a Tyson ear chomp. Undisputed, directed by Walter Hill has got a predictable plot and unlike successful fight movies such as Raging Bull and Rocky, there is no character that makes you want to stand up and cheer. Undisputed makes Rocky 5 look near perfect.

Ving Rhames plays the bad guy, Iceman Chambers. His character is obviously based on Mike Tyson. He is the heavyweight champion who is convicted for rape and sent to prison. The same prison where Monroe Hutchins, played by Snipes resides. Snipes is the prison boxing champion. While Rhames does do a good job making the audience despise Iceman and his attitude, it is Snipes and the script of Undisputed that fails to make this a fight I want to see. Snipes was too bland. There was no real reward for Monroe Hutchins to beat Iceman Chambers. I wanted a Drago versus Rocky feeling, where the stakes were huge. Communism versus the Free world. The vengeance of a friends death. None of the drama was there.

Robert Donwey Jr. has more line before breakfast than Snipes has in this movie. He spends the majority of Undisputed building a toothpick temple while in solitary confinement. To top it all off, Ed Lover is the announcer for all of the big prison fights. I wanted to jump into my screen and knock his ass out myself. Doctor Dre should have eaten his sidekick after Who's the Man came out. So Undisputed gets one and a half-moldy cheese sticks from the Wizard. The reason it gets the extra half a stick is because the actors were able to deliver this pathetic prison script with straight faces. Now if anyone happens to know either Ving or Wesley, please do not tell them about the Cheesewiz, because the baby intruder was
scary enough.

I wish I could end this article with a big job well done for Chelsea's own Latino champ Johnny Ruiz, but he got his butt delivered to him by Roy Jones Jr. That punk cost me 100 bones with his lack luster performance. Once again if you know either Roy or Johnny, please do not inform them of the Cheesewiz.

OK its time for the Reality Roundup. Let's get to my two favorite reality shows currently on. Survivor and American Idol. On American Idol we have the much-anticipated Wild Card round with a twist. I have no idea what the twist is. It maybe the return of Frenchie Davis, but I doubt it. Now the two important people to look for in this round are Kimberly Caldwell and Chip Davis. I predicted Kimberly to win the whole thing and then she was knocked out in the first round. This is the Second Coming of Caldwell. I am still betting on this now dark horse to be the next American Idol. Chip Davis is a young attractive black man with corn rolls. All's he needs now is a video camera and a couple of girl scouts and he could be the next R. Kelly.

All right lets dance off the mainstage and hike deep into the depths of the Amazon River for the battle of the genders. Survivor 6 has been swellicious. If you have not tuned in yet, hurry up and join the fun. This season's men versus women approach as added a fresh twist to the sixth season. It instantly gives you a tribe to cheer for. Thirsty Thursday has never tasted so good. Watch this with your girlfriend and let the pots and pans fly baby. OK, so lets recap, last week Tambaqui voted off the young Asian tax accountant Daniel Lue. Dan believed he was voted off because his
eyes were shaped differently than some of his teammates, and not because he was lazy and horrible at every challenge. OK Dan! It must be real tough Dan for anyone to relate to you because your so "Asian" Dan. The kid should be ashamed for trying to blame racism for his own failures. He should be blaming Heidi's ta tas.

Bottom line so far is the ladies are horrible at maintaining a camp. They have the worst shelter, and a general lack of work ethic. However, they are winning the challenges and that is the name of the game. If the women do not repair their camp soon, then their Jubaru tribe will become malnourished, sick, and delirious. Being starved and crazy will not win challenges.

So that is it for this week's reality roundup. If you are mad that I did not include a write up on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Outta Here, then you are loser and you need to get outta here. Seriously, get outta here. To the rest of my loyal Wizzers, hold your hands out and open for others let the cheese melt your hearts.

STAY TUNED FOR THE FIRST PUBLICATION OF "A PAIR OF BUDS" ON BRUCESPERO.COM A SHORT STORY BY YOURS TRULY

February 12

In Boston, many things fill our airspace. We have the steam off a fresh Duncan medium regulaa, the puffs of a blazing Parliament 100, and my favorite the fumes of homeless gin vomit. However, this weekend one beautiful thing shall cast its glorious power throughout the entire Bostonian skyline. It’s Valentines Day and Love is in our air. Ode to Valentines Day. The holiday that fills our hearts with joy and bleeds our wallets dry. This Friday night when all the chumps are taking their girlfriends or flavor of the week out on some overpriced and under serviced dinner downtown, you should be hitting up the video store and delivering your lucky lady a cheesy DVD. Its not about the price tags fellas, its about the romance.

So strap on your love belt and grab your notebook. Here is the answer to your Valentine’s wishes. After reading my guide, you will realize that your date doesn’t have to be the only cheap thrill of the evening. The three main ingredients to the successful night are ambiance, dinner, and most importantly the correct movie.

Romance and cheese are one in the same on Valentine’s day. If you think its cheesy, then she will think its romantic. Now keep in mind that certain levels of cheese must be reached with caution. Don’t overload it with the ambiance. Your ambiance should be like a chocolate Amish bunny, simple and sweet. Get a candle, girls like candles and if you have a zit or weird growth then it will be dimmed under the light. Now if you choose a scented candle, don’t buy it at the CVS down the street, go to Bath and Body Works and pay the extra two dollars. You don’t want your romantic evening smelling like your grandmother’s latrine. The next step to the ambiance is to clear the apartment of all dude things. Some examples of “dude things” include Playstation wires, Maxim magazines and any old pizza boxes or Taco Bell bags. This ties right in with that scented candle. Top it off with two roses. Forget about a dozen roses. Is the perfect omelet made with a dozen eggs? I don’t think so.

Now that the mood is set, its time to move onto dinner, or as my beautiful mother calls it, suppaa. Dinner is complicated due to geographics. If you live in the city then go with takeout like, Chinese food or sushi. It’s all about the Asian persuasion. Stay away from the Mexican for the obvious reasons. The Mexican food that is. Takeout is hip in the city, but if you live outside the city do something wicked cheesy. I suggest making a pizza together. The keys to the pizza are the toppings. Go the extra mile and cut the pepperonis into little heart shapes. While creating the love pizza, maybe dab some tomato gravy on her nose. Its Valentines night and the levels of sap are endless. Right before dinner is the point of the evening where you should break out the wine. Don’t be a fool and buy the 50-dollar bottle of wine, instead be a genius and peel off the fifty-dollar price tag and stick it on the bottom of your eight-dollar bottle. Do this after leaving the store so the old man doesn’t call you a hoodlum. Now please make sure you have some wineglasses. Do not be pouring your woman’s wine into your Burger King Bart Simpson cup. Go to Target and buy glasses. Finishing the food and wine portion of the evening is the most important portion of all, the desert. One word people, GODIVA. This is the product of the evening that is worth throwing down a lil bling bling. It will cost you 18 dollars for a box of these chocolates, but the dividends it pays are priceless. Even at the end of the night if you don’t have a tongue in your mouth, at least you will have the sweet aftertaste of butter cream. I will say it again, GODIVA.

Now comes the tricky part, the movie selection. Boston’s Jake Geils sang, “I don’t care for any Casanova thing, all I can say is Love Stinks.” Well so does Sweet Home Alabama, so walk right past the New Release section because there is nothing worthy of renting for this special evening. As the Wizard, I will give you three movies to select from, but I suggest that you pick up at least two in case of an emergency. Possible emergencies include a scratched disc, or possibly a negative reaction from your significant other. However if your date disses any of my choices, then she is by no means significant and you should find another. My list will not have the usual flicks that you may expect such as Sleepless in Seattle or When Harry Met Sally. These are great movies but they are so cliché’. Odds are that your date has shared nookie time while watching these movies with guys or girls beside yourself. My list will show her that you not the generic romantic, but a true Casanova. For the first film we are heading back to the wonderful eighties to revisit the Corey buddies for the 1989 unforgettable Dream a Little Dream. Chances are she may have seen it, and loved it but she hasn’t seen it for years. Go ahead and take her back to the great eighties. I like this one because it teaches us that no matter how old or ugly we become its love that keeps us going strong. The gymnasium scene with Corey Feldman and Meredith Salenger has my vote for the best dance scene of their generation. Mel Torme sings the title track off this one and after you hear it you will be whistling Dream a little Dream all the way to the master bedroom.

My next selection is for the guys who may not know the girl so well or who may not be too smooth with the ladies. If your girl has not been giving you a lot of the nookie wookie, then go with this one. Any Brad Pitt movie. Seriously, rent any Brad Pitt movie that doesn’t look good to you. So stay away from Fight Club, Seven, and 12 Monkeys. I would steer towards Meet Joe Black, A River Runs Through it or Legends of the Fall. This recommendation is based off the strip club theory. When a guy in a relationship goes to a strip club he comes home to his wife energized and full of sexual energy. Is this moral horniness? I don’ know, but it’s a fact of life. So go ahead and apply thia theory to your date. Let her look at Brad Pitt for two hours and she is more than likely going to be in the mood. She knows that Brad Pitt is a married man, so she may as well settle for the lug that made her that great dinner and lit that fragrant candle. My last selection for your wonderful Valentine’s evening is Bed of Roses starring Christian Slater and Mary Stuart Masterson. This one is great because it’s a dark romance and its visually appealing. This is the tearjerker of my selection. Your date will cry and she will want to embrace. I know this may be a deterrence for some of the fellas, but remember its Valentines Day. This movie is about two people who have both been hurt in their past and now they have found each other. This movie has everything that the cliché movies do not. The characters are more real to life and the ending is wonderful because of its dark originality. Remember to keep the two roses that you bought in clear view at all times while watching this one. Bed of Roses is the sure bet.

I have given you all a guide to go by. I suggest you make your own twists and tweaks because with my huge circulation here at brucespero.com you don’t want your one of your date’s friends ratting you out. Remember the three main ingredients, ambiance, food, and a great cheese movie. For those of you who don’t have a valentine, go to a bar or coffee shop and find a girl and give her a sincere compliment. Take a look at her and if compliment her on something that you truly like. It may be her shoelaces but at least the compliment will be from the heart and honest. Happy Valentines Day everybody and don’t forget to Keep on Wizzzing!

The reality round up this week will be kept short and sweet because I am so ticked off about Joe Millionaire scamming us into an extra week. My prediction will be that Evan chooses Sarah, and then finds out that Zora actually is a millionaire in real life. Now the only great thing about the most recent episode is Dirty Dundee Paul Hogan breaking out the bottle of cognac. Remember folks, we love Dirty Dundee.

The other big reality update for this week is the premier of Survivor on Thursday night. It will be the men versus the women. My prediction is the women will prevail because they can have babies and produce more teammates over the course of their stay in the amazon. I am currently working with Captain Powers on obtaining the current odds on the participants.

Finally American Idol rolls on and like I said this show loses its luster after all the rejects are eliminated. And now that my prediction has already been canned, I am lost in space picking a winner. I still believe that we have not heard the end of Kimberly Caldwell. The dark horse will return, but do not look for the return of Frenchie because she got the boot this week because she appeared in an adult website years ago. I wonder who was actually paying to see that girl in the flesh. To each his own and to you my loyal brucespero.commers, have a wonderful week and next time your about to flip someone the bird, try a thumbs up instead.

February 4

Look at the same image for too long and you will be sad and crazed. Diversify your brain with views from all perspectives.

Early Saturday morning I awoke; sat on my bed, and slipped into my London Fog moccasins. Using my palms, I rubbed the sand from eyes and stumbled into the kitchen where Kate had a hot mug of coffee awaiting me. As she fingered through the Living Arts section of the globe, I turned on the television to see the disturbing image of the space shuttle Columbia burning up the American skies. Like many other concerned Americans, and for that matter Israelites, I was glued to my television in search of details and more images from the tragedy. By noon I came to grips that there would be no more camera shots and no further details. I figured three hours of Dan Rather www.cbsnews.com was enough. It was time to rent this week’s DVD and let the magic of a good movie take me to another place.

It’s a cold, wet and dreary morning. Let’s take off and head to London with this week’s review of About a Boy starring Hugh Grant. About A Boy is a dry British comedy that stands on its own as a drama. It was originally a novel by Nick Hornby, who also wrote one of my favorite cheese flicks, High Fidelity. This movie slowly grows on you and its sappy but original ending will force you to smile and appreciate sincere love. Its characters are likable and the relationship between Hugh Grant, who plays Will Lightman, and Marcus played by child actor Nicholas Hoult is intriguing.

At first, About A Boy seems to be the typical Hugh Grant movie where he is the smart allic Brit who finds the girl, screws it up, and finally redeems himself and lives happily ever after. All right, so it is that story, but there is so much more in between that makes About A Boy stand apart from Grant’s past endeavors. For instance Grant’s character is more original that past roles. Will Lightman lives alone living off the royalties from an old Christmas song his father wrote. At first Will is happy with his ambition -free lifestyle. He is a typical skirt chaser with no commitment to anyone. This led to some annoying narration from Will at the beginning of this movie, but the comments eventually blended into the movie. Will becomes convinced that he should be dating single mothers because they are so desperate to let loose. He begins attending group therapy sessions with other single mothers. There are some great funnies in the therapy scenes with the single moms pouring their hearts out. The humor in About A Boy is fun because it is different than most comedies. The humor in this movie is not jokey or forced fed. There was comedy within the character’s truths. Reminds me of a book I read. One interesting twist to watch about Hugh’s character is the way that Will becomes more and more like Marcus.

Nicholas Hoult is the boy in About A Boy. His character Marcus, is great to laugh at throughout this flick. That’s right I said to laugh AT. A woman could not dress a kid more like a loser if she had a PHD in geek noir. This kid Marcus, has zero talent, but he is a good kid and everyone loves to root for the underdog. There were shades of Corey Haim’s Lucas, which is the classic geek movie. Marcus struggles for normality in his life. He has nothing to offer but love for his suicidal mother. Imagine being a kid and constantly thinking that this day may be your moms last. This Hoult kid may not be the next Alex D. Linz, but he is funny because I think he really is this big of a nerd. His version of Shake Yo Ass by Mysitkal will have you rolling.

I love movies that cross genres and that’s why About A Boy is a winner. This movie will tease all of your emotions. It’s dramatic, romantic, and very funny at times. The story moves slowly, but it is made up for by new characters flowing in to About A Boy, bringing great laughs with them. If you have been to London check out some of the locations in this one. We have Regents Park, Notting Hill and Bayswater, London to name a few. A movie should take you places. Fellas, when your lady suggests this one compromise because she will think you are being sweet and it will be worth next time around when its your choice. Give it an open mind and it will give you back an open heart. On a day of loss, this movie helped remind me the importance of surrending your self to others. Three sloppy marinara cheese sticks to About A Boy.

Lets jump into passion pond and soak into the depths of reality television. Oh god am I excited about Joe Millionaire and American Idol. www.idolonfox.com Now its too early for me to get into too much about American Idol. So far, so great for Idol this season. There have been plenty of laughs and I just can’t get enough of Simon. However, the show will lose some flavor as the rejects are kicked off. At least we get to watch Ryan Seacrest quickly become the next Bob Saget. It’s too early to divulge any deeper, but my early prediction is Kimberly Caldwell all the way.
Lets get back to the main event Joe Millionaire. Who will Evan knock up, I mean knock off next. My earlier prediction of Zora gettting the boot was delayed by a week because Mojo was just too freakng annoying. Look for her to become the next Miss Walmart. My girl Melissa tricked me, but not Joe. She is now gone like the wind. And then there were two! The two choices are Sarah the former porn star and Zora the long lost sister to Xena. Seriously, this woman even looks a little like Xena. It’s humble pie versus hot porn pie. This would not be a tough decision for most men, but our buddy Evan is a unique man to say the least. He recently had a rare moment of deep though when he realized that he has been lying and that’s just not right. I’m sure they will forgive him when he comes clean and tells the lucky lady that he only makes 20K a year. This is a classic good girl versus bad girl match up. I have spoken to my bookie Captain Powers in New York and the odds are out. Zora is the 3-1 underdog. I for one am going with the rack attack. Take the underdog to the bank. The rack attack may have Evan tricked now, but the truth will always set you free and in Evan’s case get you slapped across the mug.
Finally, Kudos to “Dirty Dundee”, Paul Hogan for calling back Heidi during his moment of wisdom and keeping it real with his cognac. We like Paul.

Have a wonderful week friends and I will be back next week bringing pleasure in the form of words. Send your comments and review requests. Laugh hard and love real. Farewell from the Cheese Wiz.

January 27

This is the inaugural column. My footprints on the beach of eternity. First, let me introduce the premise of the Cheese Wiz column. It is to bring you the people an unbiased review of the newest cheesy movies to hit the DVD store. Most people don’t have the cha chas to take a risk of actually going to the theaters for a slice of cheese so that’s why I’m sticking to the DVD releases. Along with my movie review I will be chiming in on my specialty. Reality TV. I have been in the reality game since Richard delivered the Naked Truth in Survivor one.

I’ll give you the quick bio on the Cheese Wiz. I am a twenty five year old Bostonian who spent five hot years in North Cackalacki studying the artwork of hotties and free cable. I like my whiskey on ice and my women on fire. I value friends, family and a love of movies and television. Books are ok too. So enough about me, let’s get our feet wet, wax our arses, and head to the beach dude. This week’s rental is Blue Crush.

This winter has been nothing short of miserable. Everyday filled with dirty snow and frigid temps. It is a far cry from the long white beaches and deep blue waters of the Pacific Ocean. If you can’t afford the plane ticket or your just too hung over from Super Bowl, then settle for renting Blue Crush. This week’s DVD is a visual driven roller coaster of a cheese ride, filled with bikini-clad hotties, huge waves, and plenty of cornball lines.
Blue Crush isn’t going to inspire you to move to the West Coast overnight and become the next Bodhi, but it does make you smile and forget about this horrid winter for just a little while.

Kate Bosworth stars in this dramatic romance about a surfer girl who falls for a football player right before the big Pipemasters competition. In Crush, she plays the strong-minded and physically fit Ann Marie. Ann Marie must overcome fears from her near death surf accident to become a champion at the next Pipemasters. The tagline goes, “If you want to feel the rush, you have to take the risk.” Blue Crush delivers some home cooking with its lead actress. Kate Bosworth lived some of her more formidable years in Cohasset, MA. She made her acting debut in the Horse Whisperer with Robert Redford. In Blue Crush, she plays the stubborn leader of the pack surfer girl. The only two things harder than her character’s head in this movie were Bosworth’s rock hard body and my rock hard, um never mind. You get my drift. Speaking of drifts, this movie’s strongest trait is its visual bliss. Filmed in Oahu, Hawaii, the waves are shot at multiple angles taking you straight into the action. There are also plenty of helicopter views of the gorgeous Hawaiian shorelines. Keep an eye on the scene with Ann Marie and Eden training for the competition. This scene has great surf action. In it, Eden who is played by Michelle Rodriguez from the Fast and the Furious and Girlfight, is pulling Ann Marie on a Jet Ski through massive waves. Rodriguez handled all of her Blue Crush Stunts all by her pretty self. She should have stuck to being a stunt person.

Both Rodriguez and newcomer Sanoe Lake played Ann Marie's best friends poorly. There was never any real chemistry between the three to make me believe that these girls would even hang out together. Sanoe Lake, who played Lena was awkward and even creeped me out at times. Lake also epitomizes the term, “butter face”. The multiple car rides and the constant nagging between the girls had shades of Brittney Spear’s Crossroads. While the friendships seemed forced, there was some real chemistry between Ann Marie and her love interest Matt the quarterback, who was played by Matt Davis. They didn’t want to confuse the actor by changing his name. Matt’s more notable flicks include Pearl Harbor and Legally Blonde. Hey, at least he is random with his roles and the Wiz likes random actors. Davis and Bosworth look undeniable together. Davis has shades of Johnny Utah from Point Break. Can anyone really deny the chemistry between surfer girls and quarterbacks? I did not like the cut on Matt’s face through the second half of Crush. The dreamboat got busted up for surfing on a Locals Only beach. Love and surfing can make a man do crazy things.

The competition at the end of Blue Crush has its twists, and I like twists. Blue Crush is a good DVD to rent if you are like me and have constant arguments with the better half about what to rent. For the ladies, it has that girl power flavor, and for the gents you will certainly have a crush on Bosworth. Our Boston girl is wicked smaaaart in real life. Bosworth is currently a Princeton Tiger. Meowy Wowy! The script is a joke, filled with one-liners that can rival any cheesy surf or skate movie, excluding Gleaming the Cube of course. While Blue Crush is certainly no Endless Summer, it does have its strong points and that is why I am giving it two and half cheese sticks out of a possible four.

Time for my reality television blurp. There is so much reality tv this winter that I could go on for years. I am sticking to the current main event in the reality game. Joe Millionaire baby. I love that block head and I especially love that dirty Dundee, Paul Hogan. There is nothing better than a butler with an accent sipping on booze and speaking wisdom. As for the ladies we have four left. First we have Mojo, who is a joke with no style, but a hard working joke. She is in the final four and will survive until the final three. Next we have Sarah. She is a blond bombshell. I think she is fake though. She was the first to get some play from the construction con man, but in the end her true colors will show. She will survive another episode. The next to be eliminated should be Zora. There was zero chemistry between her and Joe on their last date. Joe almost revealed himself to Zora, but she isn’t too quick on the uptake. Finally there is the sweetheart Melissa. She is truly falling for Joe the person and not Joe the Millionaire. This girl is cute and has personality taboot. I predict her to become Joe’s woman when all the dust settles. I also think that she will stick with him when the truth is revealed. So tune in and see why they call me the Wiz.

Have a great week everybody. See you when the cheese melts. Any comments or questions please email to cheesewiz@emailaccount.com.